Put Up or Shut Up

Today I put forth the hardest to fallow piece of advice to fallow ever.....well realistically at least. This posts topic is the motto of "Put-up or Shut-up." This is the old philosophy that I am trying to fallow. This idea applies to all parts of a relationship. Can we, as normal humans, do what we need to at times and forget what our heads tell us and instead fallow our hearts. Can we forgo the risks and decide that every day that we delay and let that special someone stay ignorant to our feelings? Can we just play it safe and wait for them to tell you first?

                Some people see this view as childish or naive. I don’t think so, even at my age and with the number of people I have dated over the years, I still find my heart freezing and my face flush at the thought of telling the person on my mind that I have feelings for them. Our world is full of people and opportunities. If you are the say the wrong like me, then take this piece of advice; think over what you have to say and even if you don’t quite get it right when you the moment matters, they will hopefully know what you mean. If not try again and if you are still turned down, consider this, If they are not willing to give you that chance, do you even really want to be dating them?

A few things to consider, though on settings for confessions or asking people out, and many of these may seem obvious but sometimes a reminder is nice. Places with a lot of people are nice to hang out but not good places for asking people you know are concerned with public appearance. If it is a stranger, then yes public places are good because it will make them feel safer in numbers, but with friends who you want to turn into more you need to be alone with them. What you are talking to them about is private. You’re talking to them person to person about something important, not casual conversation area material.

                To “Put-up or Shut-up” is something to remember when you just don’t know if you should. If they turn you down then that is fine, at least you tried and sure enough there will be others. What is the worst thing the person can do?.... oh ya, rip out your heart and stomp on it, but you know what? Fuck them then! They are not worth you then. You deserve respect when you offer your heart on a plate to them and if they don’t respect you enough to be decent when turning you down, it is their loss.

                This advice I would give to anyone no matter their orientation, even though people who are GLTB are a minority. I you are not sure you still have the right to try. Perhaps let them know your orientation subtlety, just to try and get them thinking about it a little. Then maybe ask them out in more private settings.

                Now over all this advice is for the people who want to ask out a friend, someone who they see very often, not for strangers you meet at a bar. Sometimes the wait and see option works, sometimes, things just happen for the better or the worse. All I am saying here is what I have found in my own experience. As always, be careful and be safe.

Another rambling of your friend,

BooMan

Stories and Real Life

Today I sat and pondered a recent short story I had finished reading. The basic story line was one of a young girl, college age maybe, who ran away from home in order to fallow her dream of owning a bakery. She is able to find a job with a woman of a similar dream and is able to live in the apartment above the store with the woman. The young girl ends up falling in love with the woman as the story progresses through the highs and lows of owning a bakery. One of the major themes of the story was the girl’s confusion at her feelings for the woman. Without spoiling too much of the ending for those who might come across such a book, it does have a happy ending. What has left me in thought over this book in not the story line of the characters, but a question of what aspects of this love story are so relatable to our real lives?

                To begin I would like to talk some about the difficulties of coming out of the closet. Here in America, we have grown in tolerance over many difficult years, but even so our society still has places lacking in such understanding. I believe it is unhealthy for a person to deny who they are, and what they really want in life. No matter who you may be, or what your sexuality is, that does not mean that you don’t deserve happiness (so long as you are not hurting yourself or others in a dangerous way). If you love someone you should be able to tell them without fear of unjust ridicule.

To work up the courage to tell someone you love them or even that you just want to date them is one of the hardest things we do in our lives. We should not have to also fear the pain of public mockery, over the most natural and beautiful feeling we are blessed with having. If a person has to be in “in the closet” because of fears of losing their friends and family, then maybe they need to reassess who their real friends are. Their family should also think about what you mean to them. For those who feel alone out there after coming out, DON’T. There’re better days to come, there’re people out there who are like you. There are so many people in this big wide world of ours that there will always be people who will love and respect you.

                                The tricky part is finding them…

                The other thing that got me thinking about this story was the way that the author showed the girls thoughts. The way the girl had so much trouble over identifying her feelings and then her fear that perhaps the woman does not feel the same, is so very relatable. No matter your sexual orientation, the fear of the unknown can hang over anyone’s head. As I will talk about in a soon to come post, "Put-Up or Shut-Up", the first step to unrequited love is the identifying that you have fallen for someone. The number of times I have been around a friend and noticed enjoyed their company that I have wondered later if I may or may not have a crush on that person is countless. The sudden realization that “I really do like this person and its more than just friends” is a terrifying and exhilarating feeling for me. The next step of actually deciding if you can stand never taking that risk and telling them or just letting it be, feels has left me feeling like I was in cardiac arrest haha.

                Love is something that is hard to truly find and to fall in love like a story, where both parties are on equal wavelengths of desire is even rarer. The truth about love is subjective. We can dream of finding that better half and instantly falling in love with each other is something I have only read about (but that might just be because I have not been exposed to such love). Not to say that is a bad thing, to fall into love over time is just as good as falling quickly, that all has to do with barriers, which I talked about in “Head Games.” We are all different and we fall in love at to fit who we are. 

               In summery I would like to say this, no mater who you are or what your orientation is, there is some one out there for you, there are people who will love as a friend, lover, or family. Never give up on that hope, because it is the one hope that can always come true so long as you put yourself out there. Be careful and be safe.

Another rambling of your friend,
BooMan