Put Up or Shut Up

Today I put forth the hardest to fallow piece of advice to fallow ever.....well realistically at least. This posts topic is the motto of "Put-up or Shut-up." This is the old philosophy that I am trying to fallow. This idea applies to all parts of a relationship. Can we, as normal humans, do what we need to at times and forget what our heads tell us and instead fallow our hearts. Can we forgo the risks and decide that every day that we delay and let that special someone stay ignorant to our feelings? Can we just play it safe and wait for them to tell you first?

                Some people see this view as childish or naive. I don’t think so, even at my age and with the number of people I have dated over the years, I still find my heart freezing and my face flush at the thought of telling the person on my mind that I have feelings for them. Our world is full of people and opportunities. If you are the say the wrong like me, then take this piece of advice; think over what you have to say and even if you don’t quite get it right when you the moment matters, they will hopefully know what you mean. If not try again and if you are still turned down, consider this, If they are not willing to give you that chance, do you even really want to be dating them?

A few things to consider, though on settings for confessions or asking people out, and many of these may seem obvious but sometimes a reminder is nice. Places with a lot of people are nice to hang out but not good places for asking people you know are concerned with public appearance. If it is a stranger, then yes public places are good because it will make them feel safer in numbers, but with friends who you want to turn into more you need to be alone with them. What you are talking to them about is private. You’re talking to them person to person about something important, not casual conversation area material.

                To “Put-up or Shut-up” is something to remember when you just don’t know if you should. If they turn you down then that is fine, at least you tried and sure enough there will be others. What is the worst thing the person can do?.... oh ya, rip out your heart and stomp on it, but you know what? Fuck them then! They are not worth you then. You deserve respect when you offer your heart on a plate to them and if they don’t respect you enough to be decent when turning you down, it is their loss.

                This advice I would give to anyone no matter their orientation, even though people who are GLTB are a minority. I you are not sure you still have the right to try. Perhaps let them know your orientation subtlety, just to try and get them thinking about it a little. Then maybe ask them out in more private settings.

                Now over all this advice is for the people who want to ask out a friend, someone who they see very often, not for strangers you meet at a bar. Sometimes the wait and see option works, sometimes, things just happen for the better or the worse. All I am saying here is what I have found in my own experience. As always, be careful and be safe.

Another rambling of your friend,

BooMan

Stories and Real Life

Today I sat and pondered a recent short story I had finished reading. The basic story line was one of a young girl, college age maybe, who ran away from home in order to fallow her dream of owning a bakery. She is able to find a job with a woman of a similar dream and is able to live in the apartment above the store with the woman. The young girl ends up falling in love with the woman as the story progresses through the highs and lows of owning a bakery. One of the major themes of the story was the girl’s confusion at her feelings for the woman. Without spoiling too much of the ending for those who might come across such a book, it does have a happy ending. What has left me in thought over this book in not the story line of the characters, but a question of what aspects of this love story are so relatable to our real lives?

                To begin I would like to talk some about the difficulties of coming out of the closet. Here in America, we have grown in tolerance over many difficult years, but even so our society still has places lacking in such understanding. I believe it is unhealthy for a person to deny who they are, and what they really want in life. No matter who you may be, or what your sexuality is, that does not mean that you don’t deserve happiness (so long as you are not hurting yourself or others in a dangerous way). If you love someone you should be able to tell them without fear of unjust ridicule.

To work up the courage to tell someone you love them or even that you just want to date them is one of the hardest things we do in our lives. We should not have to also fear the pain of public mockery, over the most natural and beautiful feeling we are blessed with having. If a person has to be in “in the closet” because of fears of losing their friends and family, then maybe they need to reassess who their real friends are. Their family should also think about what you mean to them. For those who feel alone out there after coming out, DON’T. There’re better days to come, there’re people out there who are like you. There are so many people in this big wide world of ours that there will always be people who will love and respect you.

                                The tricky part is finding them…

                The other thing that got me thinking about this story was the way that the author showed the girls thoughts. The way the girl had so much trouble over identifying her feelings and then her fear that perhaps the woman does not feel the same, is so very relatable. No matter your sexual orientation, the fear of the unknown can hang over anyone’s head. As I will talk about in a soon to come post, "Put-Up or Shut-Up", the first step to unrequited love is the identifying that you have fallen for someone. The number of times I have been around a friend and noticed enjoyed their company that I have wondered later if I may or may not have a crush on that person is countless. The sudden realization that “I really do like this person and its more than just friends” is a terrifying and exhilarating feeling for me. The next step of actually deciding if you can stand never taking that risk and telling them or just letting it be, feels has left me feeling like I was in cardiac arrest haha.

                Love is something that is hard to truly find and to fall in love like a story, where both parties are on equal wavelengths of desire is even rarer. The truth about love is subjective. We can dream of finding that better half and instantly falling in love with each other is something I have only read about (but that might just be because I have not been exposed to such love). Not to say that is a bad thing, to fall into love over time is just as good as falling quickly, that all has to do with barriers, which I talked about in “Head Games.” We are all different and we fall in love at to fit who we are. 

               In summery I would like to say this, no mater who you are or what your orientation is, there is some one out there for you, there are people who will love as a friend, lover, or family. Never give up on that hope, because it is the one hope that can always come true so long as you put yourself out there. Be careful and be safe.

Another rambling of your friend,
BooMan 

Head Games

So I was thinking of more philosophical parts of a relationship and such (what I do when bored) when I hit one aspect that made me think. Are head games are unavoidable in a relationship?

I feel as though the how beginning of a relationship is a head game. In the beginning of a relationship, the two potential lovers basically go in circles around each other, like to swordsman on the field of battle waiting for the other to do one of two things. Slip up and show that they are not a good match, resulting in them being chased away or for them to prove themselves to be sincere so that they can accept each other and let their walls fall down.

When two people first meet and consider that they may want to go out with one another, a fear may arise from one or both parties. This is a normal fear commonly, but not always, caused by the fear of rejection. More than once has this fear crippled me into non-action, however this can also save us from going after causes that are futile. Eventually a person must decide if an action is worth the risk. However, waiting can also cause a missed opertunity.

So what do we as humans do to protect ourselves, to test a potential match? We play head games.

The two lovers may pull up their walls from time to time and this is because it is our natural instinct to fear the judgment of those we lean on for emotional support. It is important to communicate with our partners because this is the only way to truly understand each other on our deepest levels.

The total time needed for the later to occur is completely based on the couple and the events surrounding them. If they rush or wait too long then that can ruin the relationship. This is not a bad thing however; sometimes this can result in time apart that makes the couple realize their need for each other. On the other hand this may also allow us to see the faults in our relationships that we may never have known were there and make us realize it was not meant to be.

When two people do let their guards down completely that is also the most dangerous time. This is a time of discovery for both parties. We not only find out about those we have begun to or have already invested our affection towards, but we also find out wants, needs and dislikes about ourselves that we may have never realized.

In the end we can find for ourselves that the highest levels of compatibility will be found when they want to be and if we try to hurry it or run away from it then we may destroy a beautify thing before it is able to blossom.

Playing head games are normal, they protect us, but we have to be careful too. Eventually you must except that people are people with emotions and thoughts too. If you play to many head games then you may only drive a lover away. Our world is full of liars and cheats, but there are also so many wonderful people out there that are searching for their true love. For that person they are longing for. For that person you can share your life with. The trick is finding that person and not letting them go once you know your love mutual.

A little food for thought from your friendly neighborhood,

BooMan

The One Problem With Dating Sites

For today's post i would like to confront the world of dating sites. I have been a fan of them, though by the end of reading this you might not think so haha. I think that the internet is wonderful. It is through the net that I have been able to meet some of the most wonderful people in this world. However Dating sites have left me a little bitter. To begin I would like to propose a queston to those of use who have used a dating site or even a social media site such as Facebook:

Have you ever sent a message to some one?

Have you ever looked at someone's profile and said "wow this person could be someone amazing. This person who I know solely based by their profile is someone that I could become attracted to. Dare I even say that I could fall in love with this person one day?"

Have you ever sat down one night and said "maybe tonight i will meet my fated love?"

I have.

I have let into my mind the hope that maybe this person or maybe next person or the one after that could be her.

I have sent many many messages to many different people not only on this site but on all the other sites out there that I have tried to place hope into.

I have hoped and watch as I send message after message.

Some messages too long, and some too short.

All in that hope to find "Her."

Tonight alone I must have spent so much time reading and learning about the many many wonderful people all screaming out into the dark to find that missing part of their life. Whether it is that guy that will be Mr. Right or Mr. Tonight, I read this inside of their profiles.

I read this in the questions they answer, in the tests they take or whatever a site might use to help their masses find whatever they came in search of.

I read this in the profiles that people take the time to make to try and hook that person they need.

I have seen this and I have known the uncertainty as I send off another message, thinking to myself "this one will respond. I did that message right. My profile is good enough."

I have watched many people come and look at my profile and wait for a reply.

It never comes.

The problem with dating sites is that you don't know why they never messaged back.

Was it you?

Was it me?

Was it never meant to be?

I will never know, and some nights I wonder if I would like to know that answer.

What I do know is the pain of feeling "Forever Alone" and it is something that every person knows and many may not be willing to face. It is something that we all hope to one day over come. Being alone is not something that has to be forever. I firmly believe that one day we all will be able to find what it means to truly accepted, wanted, and loved. We just have to wait and stay vigilant, just as what it takes to get most of the best things in life haha.

Well whatever you may have gotten out of this, I hope to hear your feed back.

Good luck in your searches for love.

I hope you never need it.
​

-BooMan

The 3 Kinds of People Looking for Relationships

For today's post I would like to start at the basics with what I believe to be the basic three kinds of people looking for relationships.

No matter who you are, we as humans have difficulties knowing what we fully want in our relationships. There are a number of factors that help tie into why this is.

For one our ability to trust each other can very from person to person. Trust though is a very wide subject that I would like to wait to get into for a post of it's own.

Another is we do not know our selves well enough to know what we are missing in our lives and what we need out of our relationships (another article that will be its own post).

So getting right into the meat and potatoes of this theory, what are the three basic kinds of people?

1) The One Night Stand:

These are the kind of guys and girls that are least looking for a relationship. They cannot trust others emotionally and will tend to not be willing to form fully emotional bonds even with their friends. This is not always true though. sometimes they will fulfill their emotional needs with their friends and leave their lingering physical needs to emotionless "hook-ups." This is the kind of stereo-type that may fit for the single the frat brother. Their unwillingness to emotionally connect with their potential partner can stem from previous pain or just their fear of being hurt. Another possible mentality can be on of introversion (meaning looking in on themselves). They could just not have the "time" or the will to invest in someone else.

2) The Unsure:

These are people who make up the largest portion of the dating world. These are people who want a relationship but are not sure just how much they want to invest into said relationship. They could be afraid of being hurt or possibly still do not know what they need out of their partner. Everyone is different in this world and everyone has their own set of need. The key is finding out what those needs are. People who fit this category are people who could be viewed as "healthy." They are on the road to becoming more attuned to what they want and need to achieve happiness. They still have a ways to grow, but that is one of the wonders of being human. The fact that we can grow and learn what it will take to become happy is something wonderful. If you feel confused about what it is what you want, don't get stressed. Life is a marathon not a sprint and during that marathon we can only learn more about our selves to be able to run faster and better, so long as we do not give up.

3) The All-In:

This is the category for all of those people who have thought long on what they need out of a relationship. these are the people who are always searching for that one person who can fulfill their needs as well as do the same for their partner. these are the people who only see their partner. They love every second when they are with them and look forward to that next moment with them. these are the people who are able to put all of their emotional and physical trust into their partner. They are rare in my opinion. Sometimes people who are part of the "Unsure" category can think that they fit this category but an not quite their yet. They can lack the ability to trust in their partner even after a substantial amount of time. To most other parties, the "All-In" category can look a little overwhelming, but that is because someone who is in this category is as close to being in a married mindset as possible. When two "All-In" people find each other... woooh watch out.

Now I would like to remind that these are just the most basic of groupings. Their are a ton of variations of these three but for now I am only going to mention these.

Please comment with your takes on this theory and with questions. Also please explain your comments. This is how we start a logical conversation and can help ourselves become happier people.

I sign off of this post with these parting words:

"No matter what kind of person you are or what kind you are looking for there is someone out their for you. Never stop truely looking and never give up. Life can always get better."

-BooMan271

The Mission of "Understanding Lovely Perspctives"

I will start this blog by making clear the mission of this site. I want to start a dialog with people. I want to be able help people understand each other.

Ladies and gentlemen have you ever been confused by your partner? Have you ever thought "why are they into that?" or "why do they ______?"

My aim is to help people better understand each other. perhaps this will start a dialogue between you and your partner. Communication between each other is key in all relationships people. It shows you trust each other and that you care. It has taken me a long time to learn that myself haha.

If you want to make a request for a topic then send me a message. I will try to update weekly.